Um, yeah. I'm not having a very good year so far.

*Warning* This is NOT a happy or uplifting post in any way. If you don't want to get bummed out, stop reading here!

So I haven't been feeling too great lately. I've been crampier than usual and have been experiencing more than my fair share of back ache associated with the cramps. Normally I wouldn't be overly concerned as my period is usually fairly wonky, but since I was getting some strange coloured urine sometimes too (think tea coloured, and sometimes bloody), I was actually fairly concerned. After googling my symptoms (always a bit dangerous, and definitely NOT a good idea if you have a tendency to be a hypochondriac), I figured I might have a urinary tract infection. I ended up going to the doctor last Saturday. The doctor asked me about my symptoms and had me give a urine sample. He suspects I have a small kidney stone. Most of the time I feel fine and my urine is a normal yellow colour. Occasionally though my urine still looks funny and I get crampy and achey. Right now we're just keeping an eye on things (and I'm trying not to freak myself out when people who have had kidney stones and children tell me that passing a kidney stone is more painful than child birth! Personally I think these people should be telling pregnant women these things to make them feel better, but whatever!). Interestingly enough, the doctor that I saw at the clinic was my next-door neighbour about twenty years ago. He asked after the family, including my dad, who used to be his mechanic. Which leads me to . . .

My dad is dying. He's been in the hospital for years now (well, various hospitals and care facilities), but yesterday my step-mom called my sister and I to let us know that the doctors and nurses caring for him felt that his "departure was imminent." So yeah. Not fun. We went and spent the day with him, which was good. He didn't look too bad, all things considering. He's not eating anymore though, so I guess it really is just a matter of time. With my step-mom we talked about stuff like the funeral plans. What I am dreading most right now is the phone call telling me that it's over. How will I cope if I get the call at work? What will I do if the phone rings at 2 o'clock in the morning and wakes me up? I think my mind is focusing on this in order to have to focus on anything else. Surprisingly I had a fairly normal day today. I did have to tell a few people at work what was going on and it was okay. I was able to do it without crying, so that's something I guess. Some friends on facebook sent me messages too, so that was nice. For now I'm just trying to be very organized at work so that if I do have to leave suddenly, or I can't go in the next day, my sub has something for that day. The other couple of days I don't particularly care too much about. Now I'm going to try and find a particular picture of my dad that my step-mom would like to use for the memorial service. So if I'm not posting for a while, at least you know why.